Day 299 - Every aspect of my life got better after committing to quitting
As I close in closer and closer to a year in recovery from my gambling addiction, I often reflect on the changes that have occurred, and one thing is certain: all aspects of my life have gotten better. When I used to think about quitting I remember how difficult it was to believe that things would actually get better. I mean, sure I could quit and save money… but would I really be happier? Would I be more engaged with reality? Would my relationships improve? It was very hard to believe that any of that would actually happen. I kept holding onto this idea that no matter what, even if I did change, I would still be miserable, I would still be anxious and depressed. I kept thinking that if nothing changed… I would just be worse off because now I wouldn’t have my one little piece of enjoyment: gambling. How wrong I was. Everything changed and continues to change for the better. If I had one piece of advice to give to anyone struggling with gambling addiction it would be this: Your life will start improving once you fully commit to quitting.
How has my life changed? Sure, I can sit here writing articles about how happy I am now, how I am no longer a miserable anxious mess of depression and paranoia… but those are just words… were is the real evidence right? Well, let me give you some specifics:
I have been eating much healthier, focusing on my diet and weight. I have gained enough weight to no longer be considered unhealthy skinny and I look in the mirror everyday now and I am no longer ashamed of my appearance. There is still a lot of work to do.. but I never thought I would even get this far.
I work out six days a week now. It isn’t anything special, just lifting some weights, doing some squats, situps and pushups… but I do it consistently now. I actually enjoy it, find it gives me energy and confidence. My body is getting stronger.
I play at least one game of online chess everyday now, it has become a great little fun hobby that only takes about 10 minutes of my day.
I moved into a new apartment, it is great and I love it. Sure, maybe I can’t afford a house, but if I was still gambling I would have had to settle for a shitty apartment in a shitty part of town. Today, I am downtown in an amazing building.
I have some great furniture, and I plan to purchase more to increase my happiness in my own space now. If I was still gambling, I would have a crappy couch and a terrible small TV. My TV is awesome, 75 inch and I love it.
I am more engaged at work, and actually have enthusiasm to work even harder. When I was gambling I hated even thinking about work… I avoided it at all costs to gamble.
My love for film and music has only increased, I have found so much happiness now in discovering new films and music. I didn’t realize just how much more I could enjoy my hobbies now that gambling is out of my life.
I still love sports, and I enjoy them FAR more now. No longer do I watch sports with my eyes on my phone making in play bets. I never thought quitting gambling would let me reclaim my love of sports… I thought I would never watch sports again. Gambling tricked me into thinking I needed it to enjoy sports… really gambling was holding back my love of sports.
I no longer consider myself depressed.
I keep my space clean now, I enjoy cleaning and keeping things in order. When I was gambling my space was a mess and I avoided cleaning it.
Although I still enjoy smoking weed, it is no longer a crutch for me, I don’t need it, and I actually have a much more enjoyable and healthier relationship with it.
I write this blog… and even if it only helps one person, even if it just makes people think about quitting.. I am very happy and proud of it.
There are moments now where I actually feel a happy sensation, a bliss… I never felt this before.
I have an actual plan for my life now.. before that plan was gambling till I get rich or commit suicide.
I have a MUCH healthier relationship with money now. I can actually invest money and not look at it, not think about like it is some game. I can actually save for my future without thinking “Oh but I could double this money if I get lucky on a slot”
I have so much more time now… It is crazy.. but I used to spend hours and hours staring at a crappy slot…. that time was completely wasted. I cherish my time now and always am trying to improve myself.
I have optimism for my life and work for the first time in a decade.
I have learnt about and adopted Stoicism in my life and It has been incredibly helpful. I have learnt about so many different philosophies and continue to learn. I enjoy learning and gaining knowledge now.
I have begun learning Italian, and although it is is a long hard slog, and I sometimes take breaks.. it has been fantastic, is healthy for the mind and one day I hope to be able to speak it.
So yeah… it isn’t just about “Oh I feel so much better now”… I quit gambling.. AND EVERYTHING GOT BETTER. IT GETS BETTER EVERYDAY. I often tear up with tears of joy just thinking about how I got my life back, how I said fuck you to gambling. Gambling stole 20 years of my life from me, it took so much, I let it destroy me. Today, I am Happy, I have reclaimed my life… and the possibilities now are endless.
So yeah, if you were like me and thought nothing will get better even if you do quit, if you thought you could never be the person to get to day 60, day 100, day 200, day 299 like I was… let me tell you how wrong you are. That is gambling trying to trick you. Fuck gambling, choose life!